This one was similar to the last one, but worse.
I arrived at school to be told that a veteran teacher would be teaching my classes today. For some reason I became very accommodating, giving him my desk while I took another. He looked a lot like my Chapman student teaching observer/adviser. I guess I concluded that he’d be there only a day or two.
He got the kids outside, drawing in fancy hardbound sketchbooks (I don’t how where he got the sketchbooks, and I don’t know how it was suddenly warm outside.) They were all working hard, not goofing off like some of them are prone to do. So, of course I felt intimidated but I considered it a chance to observe and learn.
Then we were on a train taking a trip on which the students would be drawing. On the train, I confronted the other teacher because it seemed like many days had gone by and no one had told me what was going on. She (yes, she switched genders) told me she’d be there for the remaining months. I was horrified. I wondered what the hell I’d do at work while she taught my classes. I felt impotent.
At the other end of the trip, I hunted down the Principal who was seeming to avoid me. When I caught up with her, she was no longer visible but I could hear her. She didn’t tell me why I was being displaced but started crying instead.
It was such a relief to wake up. That these dreams bother me so much tells me how much I enjoy what I do. There’s no indication at work that anyone’s unhappy with my performance. I always get good feedback when it comes. When I’m teaching it feels natural to me, and I feel confident of my mastery of the subject and of my classroom management.
So why am I having these nightmares?