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education

A Christmas Gift for Educators

I rarely post (or even forward) forwarded emails, but this is well-written and very recognizable to teachers. Unfortunately, I cannot find the source online:

Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show?

Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped into an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. The business people will be provided with a copy of their school district’s curriculum and a class of 28 – 32 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

All business people must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences.

They must also stand in the doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get the 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take all of the state tests.

If the business person is sick or having a bad day, he/she must not let it show. Each day they must incorporate reading, writing math, science, and social studies into the program and must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times.

If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible. The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it.

There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their workday. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before or after school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this season of “Survivor” will be allowed to return to his/her job.

By Dawn Pedersen

Science advocate, web designer, educator, artist, and mommy.

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